Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Stupid Nonsense

I wish I had been born with one really big hand, like the size of a tennis racket. I'd just go around slapping the shit out of people. I suppose I could do that if I'd been born with two enormous hands, but really if that happened I'd be more likely to play basketball with people's heads.

It's funny how body shape affects your outlook on life. Like, for instance, I'm kind of a big guy. Not morbidly obese or anything, just kind of stout. Dwarven, we'll say. I sometimes go for that extra slice of cake because, hey, I'm a big guy. Obviously that might be part of the reason why I'm a big guy at this point, but that wasn't always the case. I was a pretty average kid until about 4th grade when my genes caught up with me, and prior to that I didn't eat any more than anyone else. So I guess my big-guyness came before the things that perpetuated that state.

I do have pretty big feet for my height. That's not so bad. Still, they're not comically big, just helpfully balancing big. If they ever swell up to about size 15 or so I might take up tae kwan do or ballroom dancing. Or anything that might cause bodily harm or property damage.

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